Shorter and Better: 2012 is Year of the Dwarves

Any year is a good year to be a dwarf if you’re under five feet tall and often get labeled as a ‘person of short stature’. But 2012 is the year where we get to celebrate the Year Of The Dwarves. Forget dragons – dwarves are the thing that will save you from danger. Or boredom. Or box office ruins. Especially if you’re a filmmaker with a high-profile project coming out this year.

This year we get four major live feature productions – three on the big screens and one on television – where diminutive, smaller-than-the-rest-of-the-poulation men with fierce fighting prowess, wisdom of the ages and/or excellent comedic timing steal the show from their normal-sized counterparts. There’s going to dwarves for all seasons if you care to turn your eyes into what Hollywood has to offer us in cinema and TV. And there is a rock solid guarantee that you will not be disappointed with this new breed of action heroes.

Earlier this year, in one incarnation of Brothers Grimm’s fairy tale of Snow White called Mirror Mirror (directed by Tarsem Singh) ‘the little people’ had the honor of outwitting a handsome and statuesque heartthrob with long legs not once, but twice, before helping him to get the girl. Sometime later, in a land called Westeros, a dwarf slapped a bratty young king and put him in his place while politicking around the king’s court while bedding the beautiful ladies. This summer, eight rebellious dwarves fought in a revolution with yet another Snow White in the Kirsten Stewart-starring Snow White And The Huntsman. And at the end of this year when J.R.R. Tolkien’s first masterpiece comes to live in Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit, there won’t just be one pint-sized action hero with big feet adventuring in Middle Earth. This action hero gets 13 Dwarf companions. THIRTEEN!

And will you look at the people who are playing these dwarves: Martin Klebba. Ian McShane. Toby Jones. Ray Winstone. Nick Frost. Richard Armitage. And the Biggie: Peter Dinklage.

Emmy- and Golden Globe-winning Peter Dinklage, mind you. This is your cue to affix the title Lord Honorable or add The Grand Duke Of Awesome in front of his name. Also, it wouldn’t be remiss to bow and curtsy before him.

There is so much talent from anyone playing dwarf characters on screen that it’s virtually impossible for us to not acknowledge them as The Awesomest People Ever this year. Tyrion Lannister has always been everyone’s favorite Game Of Thrones character (including Charles Dance’s, who plays Tyrion’s dad Tywin). The seven dwarves had the funniest lines and scenes in Mirror Mirror. The eight dwarves, who were actually normal-sized actors rendered by special effects to transform into short Narnia-esque creatures saved Huntsman from utter pointlessness. With this track record, plus their own reputable fame from the already-legendary book, Martin Freeman’s Bilbo and his merry band of dwarves can only amaze us further in The Hobbit. What else is there to say?

A toast, then, to celebrate the best characters in the fantasy genre this year. Not dragons, not sorcerers, not even kick-ass princes with swords as long as their limbs… but dwarves. Short, rowdy and carefree people who love a good time, save you from evil rulers and will fight with you and for you to the end. Here’s to the dwarves!

GAME OF THRONES

Dwarf: 1

Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister

*

MIRROR MIRROR

Dwarves: 7

Danny Woodburn as Grimm
Martin Klebba as Butcher
Sebastian Saraceno as Wolf
Jordan Prentice as Napoleon
Mark Povinelli as Half Pint
Joe Gnoffo as Grub
Ronald Lee Clark as Chuckles

*

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN

Dwarves: 8

Ian McShane as Beith
Johnny Harris as Quert
Bob Hoskins as Muir
Toby Jones as Coll
Eddie Marsan as Duir
Brian Gleeson as Gus
Ray Winstone as Gort
Nick Frost as Nion

*

THE HOBBIT

Dwarves: 13

Richard Armitage as Thorin Oakenshield
Graham McTavish as Dwalin
Ken Stott as Balin
Aidan Turner as Kíli
Dean O’Gorman as Fíli
Mark Hadlow as Dori
Jed Brophy as Nori
Adam Brown as Ori
John Callen as Óin
Peter Hambleton as Glóin
William Kircher as Bifur
James Nesbitt as Bofur
Stephen Hunter as Bombur

LOKIWORSHIP: You Know You’re In Team Loki When You Go Crazy Like This

This happened exactly one week ago as my friend and I vent out our impatience at not being able to watch Marvel’s The Avengers along with the rest of the world (and being forced to follow the US release date by our capitalistic local movie distributor) on April 26th, 2012 in the form of severe LOKIWORSHIP and TWIDDLESTONING.

(Before anyone says anything, I’m aware that Tom Hiddleston’s fans are called Hiddlestoners but his Twitter username is twhiddleston so I use the Twitter name to create a verb that defines “to worship @twhiddlestone on Twitter”, which is “to TWIDDLESTONE”. And yes, it must be in caps because everything Loki should be CAPSLOKI. )

Also, yes, I’m a proper movie journalist. And yes, my friend is a proper movie journalist. We know movies and we write downright serious stuff on our magazine. But we’re also fangirls and we break out in squee some of the time (well, more often than not.)

@mavieenlair OH MY GOD! SO MUCH TOM HIDDLESTON STUFF TONIGHT. MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT.

@betteronholiday WHAT WHAT WHEREE I CANT OPEN THE INTRWEBZ RITE NOW NOOO WHERE’S THE HIDDLES I WAAANT *rusak*

@mavieenlair HE’S EVERYWHERE! EMPIRE! TWITTER! OTHER PLACES!!! I WANT TO FLY OVER THERE AND CARESS HIS LOKI HORNS!

@betteronholiday COVER THE WORLD WITH LOKINESS. I DON’T GIVE A DAMN TO THAT TEAM ASSEMBLED BY FURYWHATSHISEYEPATCH. The more Hiddles the better!

@mavieenlair YES AND THE MOVIE SHOULD BE CALLED “LOKI”. WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT THE AVENGERS? #FUCKYEAHLOKI #TEAMHIDDLES #CAPSLOCKING

@betteronholiday IF THAT TEAM WINS AND LOKI LOSES AT THE END OF THE MOVIE I WONT WATCH IT /juzkidding. #TEAMLOKI #CAPSLOCK4EVAR

@mavieenlair WHY JUZ KIDDING? IT’S GOT TO BE THE ONLY ENDING OF THE MOVIE! IF NOT, SCREW THE IMAX. AIN’T WATCHING. #KIDDINGTOO #YAYCAPS

@betteronholiday IF NOT, ERR.. WELL AT LEAST HIS HAIR IS FABULOUSER THAN THAT THOR! #YAYLOKI #STILLCAPS #PLEASESTOPME

@mavieenlair OF COURSE HIS HAIR IS FABUGLAMONDERFUL! HIS HAIRSTYLIST MUST BE A FANGIRL/BOY TOO! #LOKILOKILOKI #CAPSCAPSCAPS  #DONTSTOP

@betteronholiday omg we’re killing ppl who’re follower of us both. BUT IT’S IN THE NAME OF SPREADIN’ THE LOKI LOVE SO LET ‘EM ‘AVE IT #KEEPGOING

@mavieenlair GOOD! WE ARE KILLERS! WE ARE VILLAINS! JUST LIKE THE LOKI! WE’VE BECOME LOKIANS! #ICOULDGOALLNIGHT  #THELOKIISSTRONG

@betteronholiday OHMYLOKI WHY IS MAY 2nd (or is it 4th? hehe) STILL SO FAR? I WANNA ADMIRE HIS ROYAL LOKINESS NAOOO #CARRYON #ETERNALOKI

@mavieenlair ARE WE GONNA START SAYING OMILOKI NOT OMIGOD FROM NOW ON? I APPROVE. (SO DOES LOKI!) #OKPAUSE #BUTLOKI #OML #LOKINFINITY

@betteronholiday ‘LOKI’ SHUD ALSO REPLACE THE WORD ‘EPIC’ –> AWESOME OF LOKI PROPORTIONS. OML WE’RE COMPLETELY #HIDDLESTONED #DONTMINDATALL

@mavieenlair LOKI SHOULD FILL UP ENTIRE DICTIONARY SO THAT THIS IS HOW WE SPEAK: “LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI, LOKI, LOKI! OML!” #TWIDDLESTONED

@betteronholiday AND THE UNIVERSE WOULD BE A LOKIER PLACE. OOPS I MEAN LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKIER LOKI! #LIVINGLAVIDALOKI

@mavieenlair LOKI LOKI LOKIEFIED LOKI LOKI! (TRANSLATE: ARE WE LOKIFIED OR WHAT!) LOKI, LOKI! (HUZZAH HUZZAH!) #SHERLOKI #LOKIBITCH

@betteronholiday #LOKINGOFTHEWORLD [LokiXtitanic] #MAHALOKIMUTHAFUCKAA [LokiXbattleship] EVRYTHIN’ LOKIFIED YO!

@mavieenlair LOKIMORPH #LOKILIEN [LokiXAlien] ONE LOKI TO LOKIFY THEM ALL #LOKITR [LokiXLOTR] EXPELOKIAMUS! #LOKIPOTTER [LokiXHP] #FYEAH

So, did everyone like The Avengers (or Avengers Assemble if you’re in the UK)?

I certainly did, although I’m sure Joss Whedon must have felt like he wanted to facepalm/headdesk many, many times during the making of this epic film. (Seriously, though, is he human? I don’t think he is. He’s probably Odin in disguise, but more badass.) Thank you, Mr. Whedon, for the extremely fun times. Complete review to be coming soon.